Opinions...Sm-opinions..

                 

I don't know what your views of opinions might be (especially about you or your life), but for me I have walked a thin line between overvaluing opinions and not. I have also had the task of choosing which ones are important, where information I may need could be found.

I struggled because I sometimes either totally accepted or rejected opinions, so learning balance is still one of my greater life lessons. I had to learn, what applied to me or didn't and take it from there.

In my awkward years which unfortunately due to my immensely sad fear of rejection lead into my early twenties. I sometimes agreed with expressed opinions of me more than my own (still scratching my head).
I overvalued the opinions of almost all those around me and undervalued my own. Thank God I'm healed lol.

Not everyone deserves the privilege of speaking into your life or circumstances and even then you still have to employ a filter.  We sometimes give others way too much power, from small decisions like what we wear or how we do our hair. To bigger life changes such as when we get married, have children or where we live.

Culture and traditions has been allowed to dictate a lot of our do's and don'ts. And while they do serve their purpose in a number of scenarios, for some it proves a noose. Even when it doesn't make sense we do some things without even a question as to why.

Everybody knows and nobody really knows, so I'll take the gamble of learning how to walk my own path in the pursuit of happiness. Who says I have to do it your way? Who even says you are right? It may be right for you and wrong for me.

In my pursuit of unconditional love it started with Christ and myself. Unconditional love includes everything, the good, the bad and the indifferent.  My Creator knows all of me and loves all of me, who am I to do any different?

Opinions will always be a grey area I think. But I am trying to learn to walk this path my way, with God as my guide. Seeing myself as He sees me, knowing He created me as ME for a purpose and I don't need to do it the way often travelled to fit in with someone's opinion of how I should do what I do.

So cheers to the lifelong process of living, loving and growing... Freedom from opinions and being all YOU.

Motivation Needed?

Click: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jwWYX7Jlo

I'm sharing this motivational video today and hoping it will help you to make that move, even if it's just to get out of bed. I found myself needing this yesterday and it helped me a lot.

Before this stage of my life I was never fully sold on this content. It seemed pretty clichè. Instead I relied a lot on others and didn't necessarily look to myself or my source (God). Well I did look to God I just asked others to speak to him on my behalf instead of seeking the answers for myself. Crazy, I know.

I really needed to tap deep within and motivational quotes, books and videos became a mainstay. I read somewhere that like showers, meals etcetera, motivation is to be consumed daily. And doing this has definitely helped.

On the days when I feel low and need a boost, I find the motivation I need. There are times when I might call or message a friend or my mom, but most of the time I have such a hard time articulating my thoughts and feelings in that moment, I just have to go at it internally. I have to keep the communication with God open, because I always have something to talk to Him about.

Your motivation might come in different ways, but whatever you find it to be, capitalise on it. Use it whenever necessary, as often as possible. I hope it helps you as much as it as helped me as I do this gift called life.

Cheers to living, loving and growing.
Blessings

I gave up "giving up" for Lent.

I haven't posted in way too long! Well I'm back now :)

As the title says that was my big decision. I really couldn't be bothered with the normal for me like, meat, juice and the slew of others, so I went to the area I had a real life challenge in. At the drop of a hat my famous words are "mi cyaan bodda" (translation: I can't be bothered or I'm not doing this), so I decided to make a conscious effort to minimize with the hope of eventually giving up this mindset.

And boy let me tell you, I have been on a ride of all sorts! I am being challenged in almost EVERY area of my life. The minute I decided to confront this thing it grew claws, seriously. But I can say I haven't really given up on anything since, I have been hella tempted and struggling like crazy BUT God's grace has been keeping me. Instead I'm learning to strategize and explore options in the midst of failing situations, all without "giving up". It is exhausting, but worth it. Self-exploration and challenging my mindset has been an emotional rollercoaster, that I am still on. God, my mom and a few friends have been great ears and sources of much needed strength.

Le Struggle
I have always been UBER private and sensitive about sharing my private thoughts and feelings, so this transparency thing is a real struggle. Posting my thoughts on a blog?!?! So unheard of  for me and many times these weeks I haven't posted I've been tempted to scrap the idea BUT I gave up giving up so that wasn't an option! <Major side eyes for myself >

I've learnt a bit about myself over the past few months, some good, some not so favourable LOL.

• I still need hella work and I'm still a bit more crazy than I like at this point.
• I am a tad stronger than I give myself credit for.
• I'm a dreamer who is still afraid of some of the hopes and dreams I have.
• I have no idea how I am going to get to the place where my hopes and dreams for my life are but I have faith I will. 
• Sometimes I focus way too much on where I am not instead of where I am and feel discouraged.
• I don't understand too much about this life thing and that is OK.
• I am absolutely rich in love.
• I am growing even when I don't feel like it.
• I still believe in the impossible (albeit way deep down sometimes)
• I really love my crazy self for who I am, even if no one else gets me.
• I have A LOT to learn.

Living things grow!

All in all, I believe we are here because God meant for us to be and He has a great plan for us. Being here means while living we are always growing. My journey and life may not be for the next or how they would do it and that's ok. I have taken the wide, popular road for most of my life. Now I seek the road less travelled. Sometimes it feels like too much and I scream to myself GET ME OUTTA HERE but I know better. I am going to continue on this journey and do ME and learn as I go even if no one else gets it and doesn't approve.

Cheers to us all in the land of the living as we live, love and grow.

    Blessings.

Blah...

   

Hello out there... I figured I'd say hey and thanks for reading and I HOPE that my journey, craziness, "ahas" (yes I did actually type that lol) and learning has done what I intended. While we all just try to figure this life stuff out and make the best of it, as a fellow sojourner (outchea tryna function) I just pray that we stay sane and not just survive but THRIVE.

The title of the post is the only word I could come up with to express how I have been feeling. The journey is the journey in all its glory, I have been feeling excited and expectant but oh so blah. I think this blah feeling is due in part to the fact that I'm unclear about a number of things, specifically my next move etc.. I really like to be in the KNOW but since faith doesn't work like that, my struggle in that department has been tremendous.

I know I need some major shifting and change in some areas, but I just don't know which way to turn. My heart is being all crazy (in the words of my rational side) and telling me to jump into the deep. My nature kinda opposes this because I like structure and I like to know.  And right now I don't. I don't know which way to go, what route to take and what this place I'm going to will look like. But I want change, and change comes with changes.

My coworker and I had a discussion the other day where she was saying she is asking God for a faith like Abraham had. I was like girl you had better be careful what you ask for. Remember the story in the bible where God told Abraham to go to a place he would show him. He had no clue where he was going, he just knew God said it, he believed it and so he did it. Sounds really good and I tip my hat to him because that must have been HARD. Can you imagine right now just on a move of faith packing up your life and family and just moving,  having no idea as to where exactly and all the other plans we like to cement before doing anything? yea I'm having trouble too.

A faith like that for me will take developing. But all I know is something's gotta give because this blah is not it. So while I pray for clarity and guidance, I guess I'll ask God for a dash of that Abraham faith. I don't know just how much I can handle right now because that level he possessed clearly carries great responsibility. So I'll take it slow for now and start with a "tuups"(translation: small amount).

That said I'm going to keep doing my part and be ready for the changes as they come. Learning to trust my process is really taxing. But I know I must, so on I press...

Cheers to us as we live, love and grow in search of our highest selves..

Growth sold separately.

All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
Ellen Glasgow

Ever ran into someone you hadn't seen in years (intentionally or not) and the interaction left you wondering if they were frozen in a time warp? The body ages and the effects are visible in the physical. However individual growth and improvement is another story. I remember having a conversation with a close friend where she commented that if she found herself in the same position mentally a year later, she knows she didn't experience any growth. Without limiting ourselves to the "New Year Resolutions", it does benefit us to search ourselves to see if we are growing. TD Jakes(my mentor in my head) said that if you are still dealing with the same struggle/issue after say a five year period you are circling the same mountain.

Change is often a dreaded process, but I've been learning that like my other mentor in my head Tony Gaskins said recently to be effective you have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The comfort zone rejects the very idea of change- If it aint broke dont fix it mentality. I get bored easily and as a result the comfort zone contributed to my previous state of unhappiness. Being ridiculously unbothered in my comfort zone giving just enough to life meant that's all I got from it. Pursuing growth and striving always for excellence (cues Charlemont High School song lol if you went there you'll get it) in my life has made it more interesting and enjoyable.

Since no one has it ALL together, growth and forward movement are necessary. I knew I wanted to grow but I didn't necessarily want the hassle of the change that came with it, crazy I know, but I'm just keeping it real. Doing the work is pretty unattractive and painstaking, but change in some form is needed for growth. While at the same time changing doesn't mean you are growing, as some change just renders things different, not necessarily better.

I've had one of those weeks where not much made sense to me in my journey. I know some of the experiences were to test all the talk I've been talking. Let's face it, information does not equal application, so without applying all you learn, it's just crap to say yes I know it but..... So we will be tested based on all the information we obtain, just like an examination and the results will tell on you. Our actions and reactions tell on us, whether we are growing or not, what areas still need work and where we have mastered. Man it gets so annoying sometimes if I'm to be honest BUT I am loving it.

I just remind myself that my journey is just that MINE. I have to be content with going at my pace and not compare my chapter ONE with someone's chapter TWENTY (@realTalkKim posted this on twitter :-) )
At the end of the week as I do my recap, I can see where I have improved or not and really talk to God about some stuff and ask His guidance to strategize. He is so patient and kind... Whew.

So, with each day I am gifted, I say cheers to living, loving and more importantly.... growing.