Transparent?

We often proclaim how transparent and "real" we are, but are we really?

Being honest and transparent is something that takes real guts. Rooted in our obsession with what other people think of us. We are all self conscious which is good and required in good measure (in my opinion). But how about the fact that we sometimes pretend that everything is A ok or perfect. Don't get me wrong, It makes no sense to walk around moping etc.. but I believe it's ok not to be ok sometimes and that it doesnt make you weak. Where we are weak or challenged is where Divine strength and power steps in.

So caught up in not showing our cracks and flaws, we pretend we don't need anyone. Truth is we do. We don't need everyone, worst of all people who mistreat us and fail to see the value and worth in us. But we do need each other. To form and maintain relationships that give life. Relationships where we can love and be loved. Relationships that bring out the best in us, while helping to bring about change because of it's sheer power and influence.

With that said here is my truth, I have always struggled big time with "appearing" vulnerable. I have limited my list of people I allow myself to be vulnerable with but even then it's to an extent. A lot of it is rooted in a fear of rejection. This makes me put up walls and different detection strategies. So I am on alert for the people in my space, if I sense any sign of withdrawal on their part I get a head start and beat them to the punch. This is no way to live. It's extremely time consuming and energy draining.

After much thought I realize a lot of it is rooted in the issues with my father which continue to this day. Being real, open and honest, not just about our victories but also our fears can be scary stuff. But living with an open heart is worth it.

I've been thrown off by a number of things recently and I haven't been trusting the process as I should. I've been preoccupied with circumstances and engulfed with feelings of hopelessness. But I'm slowly making a recovery. God is crazy faithful I will continue to say. When I feel overwhelmed and alone on my journey He finds a way to show me His all encompassing, unconditional love.  All praise be to Him, as He is the reason I'm still on this trail. When God is all you have you learn He is all you need. This is true for me.

If you can relate I pray peace for you on your journey. Make the necessary changes to get the results you want. Trusting God and the process is our only hope.

Today is Jamaica's independence so I'm gonna share this Bob Marley song that has been my tune of comfort recently.

Blessings and love to you and yours.

Who are you???

Who are you?
Are you who they say your are?
Are you defined by their words, actions, expectations or varying perspectives?
Are you even who you say your are?
Because sometimes your voice echoes the words heard repeatedly.
Words that aren't true,
Words that don't even come close to what the Creator said about you...

Are you enough?
Are you worthy?
Are you limited or limitless?
Are you free or bound?
Are you existing or living?
Do you not know that each breath is a gift, unwrapped with each inhale and lift of the chest?
I hope you know, I really pray you do, but just in case you have forgotten let me remind you...

You were formed in a warm,
cosy womb for less, more or equal to 40 weeks.
In a slow and deliberate process
He created a masterpiece fashioned in His image and likeness,
To work the good works of the Master.
You are HERE by design, purpose and on a mission.
You are never alone, your creator would never allow it, He says if you make your bed in hell He is with you...

You are love and you are loved.
Your smile has the power to change the atmosphere in a room,
Your presence here on earth means there is something only you can do.
On the days where you are tempted to forget just who you are or to discredit yourself.
Remember this: you are beyond definition, you are greatness personified and more importantly there is a King in you....

Love, peace and blessings..

Opinions...Sm-opinions..

                 

I don't know what your views of opinions might be (especially about you or your life), but for me I have walked a thin line between overvaluing opinions and not. I have also had the task of choosing which ones are important, where information I may need could be found.

I struggled because I sometimes either totally accepted or rejected opinions, so learning balance is still one of my greater life lessons. I had to learn, what applied to me or didn't and take it from there.

In my awkward years which unfortunately due to my immensely sad fear of rejection lead into my early twenties. I sometimes agreed with expressed opinions of me more than my own (still scratching my head).
I overvalued the opinions of almost all those around me and undervalued my own. Thank God I'm healed lol.

Not everyone deserves the privilege of speaking into your life or circumstances and even then you still have to employ a filter.  We sometimes give others way too much power, from small decisions like what we wear or how we do our hair. To bigger life changes such as when we get married, have children or where we live.

Culture and traditions has been allowed to dictate a lot of our do's and don'ts. And while they do serve their purpose in a number of scenarios, for some it proves a noose. Even when it doesn't make sense we do some things without even a question as to why.

Everybody knows and nobody really knows, so I'll take the gamble of learning how to walk my own path in the pursuit of happiness. Who says I have to do it your way? Who even says you are right? It may be right for you and wrong for me.

In my pursuit of unconditional love it started with Christ and myself. Unconditional love includes everything, the good, the bad and the indifferent.  My Creator knows all of me and loves all of me, who am I to do any different?

Opinions will always be a grey area I think. But I am trying to learn to walk this path my way, with God as my guide. Seeing myself as He sees me, knowing He created me as ME for a purpose and I don't need to do it the way often travelled to fit in with someone's opinion of how I should do what I do.

So cheers to the lifelong process of living, loving and growing... Freedom from opinions and being all YOU.

Motivation Needed?

Click: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jwWYX7Jlo

I'm sharing this motivational video today and hoping it will help you to make that move, even if it's just to get out of bed. I found myself needing this yesterday and it helped me a lot.

Before this stage of my life I was never fully sold on this content. It seemed pretty clichè. Instead I relied a lot on others and didn't necessarily look to myself or my source (God). Well I did look to God I just asked others to speak to him on my behalf instead of seeking the answers for myself. Crazy, I know.

I really needed to tap deep within and motivational quotes, books and videos became a mainstay. I read somewhere that like showers, meals etcetera, motivation is to be consumed daily. And doing this has definitely helped.

On the days when I feel low and need a boost, I find the motivation I need. There are times when I might call or message a friend or my mom, but most of the time I have such a hard time articulating my thoughts and feelings in that moment, I just have to go at it internally. I have to keep the communication with God open, because I always have something to talk to Him about.

Your motivation might come in different ways, but whatever you find it to be, capitalise on it. Use it whenever necessary, as often as possible. I hope it helps you as much as it as helped me as I do this gift called life.

Cheers to living, loving and growing.
Blessings

I gave up "giving up" for Lent.

I haven't posted in way too long! Well I'm back now :)

As the title says that was my big decision. I really couldn't be bothered with the normal for me like, meat, juice and the slew of others, so I went to the area I had a real life challenge in. At the drop of a hat my famous words are "mi cyaan bodda" (translation: I can't be bothered or I'm not doing this), so I decided to make a conscious effort to minimize with the hope of eventually giving up this mindset.

And boy let me tell you, I have been on a ride of all sorts! I am being challenged in almost EVERY area of my life. The minute I decided to confront this thing it grew claws, seriously. But I can say I haven't really given up on anything since, I have been hella tempted and struggling like crazy BUT God's grace has been keeping me. Instead I'm learning to strategize and explore options in the midst of failing situations, all without "giving up". It is exhausting, but worth it. Self-exploration and challenging my mindset has been an emotional rollercoaster, that I am still on. God, my mom and a few friends have been great ears and sources of much needed strength.

Le Struggle
I have always been UBER private and sensitive about sharing my private thoughts and feelings, so this transparency thing is a real struggle. Posting my thoughts on a blog?!?! So unheard of  for me and many times these weeks I haven't posted I've been tempted to scrap the idea BUT I gave up giving up so that wasn't an option! <Major side eyes for myself >

I've learnt a bit about myself over the past few months, some good, some not so favourable LOL.

• I still need hella work and I'm still a bit more crazy than I like at this point.
• I am a tad stronger than I give myself credit for.
• I'm a dreamer who is still afraid of some of the hopes and dreams I have.
• I have no idea how I am going to get to the place where my hopes and dreams for my life are but I have faith I will. 
• Sometimes I focus way too much on where I am not instead of where I am and feel discouraged.
• I don't understand too much about this life thing and that is OK.
• I am absolutely rich in love.
• I am growing even when I don't feel like it.
• I still believe in the impossible (albeit way deep down sometimes)
• I really love my crazy self for who I am, even if no one else gets me.
• I have A LOT to learn.

Living things grow!

All in all, I believe we are here because God meant for us to be and He has a great plan for us. Being here means while living we are always growing. My journey and life may not be for the next or how they would do it and that's ok. I have taken the wide, popular road for most of my life. Now I seek the road less travelled. Sometimes it feels like too much and I scream to myself GET ME OUTTA HERE but I know better. I am going to continue on this journey and do ME and learn as I go even if no one else gets it and doesn't approve.

Cheers to us all in the land of the living as we live, love and grow.

    Blessings.