Growth sold separately.

All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
Ellen Glasgow

Ever ran into someone you hadn't seen in years (intentionally or not) and the interaction left you wondering if they were frozen in a time warp? The body ages and the effects are visible in the physical. However individual growth and improvement is another story. I remember having a conversation with a close friend where she commented that if she found herself in the same position mentally a year later, she knows she didn't experience any growth. Without limiting ourselves to the "New Year Resolutions", it does benefit us to search ourselves to see if we are growing. TD Jakes(my mentor in my head) said that if you are still dealing with the same struggle/issue after say a five year period you are circling the same mountain.

Change is often a dreaded process, but I've been learning that like my other mentor in my head Tony Gaskins said recently to be effective you have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The comfort zone rejects the very idea of change- If it aint broke dont fix it mentality. I get bored easily and as a result the comfort zone contributed to my previous state of unhappiness. Being ridiculously unbothered in my comfort zone giving just enough to life meant that's all I got from it. Pursuing growth and striving always for excellence (cues Charlemont High School song lol if you went there you'll get it) in my life has made it more interesting and enjoyable.

Since no one has it ALL together, growth and forward movement are necessary. I knew I wanted to grow but I didn't necessarily want the hassle of the change that came with it, crazy I know, but I'm just keeping it real. Doing the work is pretty unattractive and painstaking, but change in some form is needed for growth. While at the same time changing doesn't mean you are growing, as some change just renders things different, not necessarily better.

I've had one of those weeks where not much made sense to me in my journey. I know some of the experiences were to test all the talk I've been talking. Let's face it, information does not equal application, so without applying all you learn, it's just crap to say yes I know it but..... So we will be tested based on all the information we obtain, just like an examination and the results will tell on you. Our actions and reactions tell on us, whether we are growing or not, what areas still need work and where we have mastered. Man it gets so annoying sometimes if I'm to be honest BUT I am loving it.

I just remind myself that my journey is just that MINE. I have to be content with going at my pace and not compare my chapter ONE with someone's chapter TWENTY (@realTalkKim posted this on twitter :-) )
At the end of the week as I do my recap, I can see where I have improved or not and really talk to God about some stuff and ask His guidance to strategize. He is so patient and kind... Whew.

So, with each day I am gifted, I say cheers to living, loving and more importantly.... growing.

The Man In The Mirror..

"If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself then make a change"....

We all should know the famous Michael Jackson song and if so probably sing it all nonchalantly repeatedly, I know I did for as long as I can remember. Until one day on my journey I heard it and the lyrics took root. Another of my now infamous "lightbulb" moments where everything seemed clearer and suddenly made sense in a more personal way.

The ability to identify what we see as wrong in the world and others is almost second nature, while identifying the part we play tends to be slow in coming, if ever. We always complain about what isn't being done, yet we wont do it. Most of us are always complaining about haters, hypocrites and the like. But since we are all so innocent who are the actual guilty ones? I have been the one doing the gossiping and the one being gossiped about, a vicious, painful cycle. It always seems innocent and at times entertaining tearing someone else down through gossip until it's our turn, then it gets real.

It's only fitting that if you want to be surrounded by love, you should possess and give love. If you want truth, then live your truth and be true and thats what you will attract. I remind myself I cannot control the actions or reactions of another, so I'll control what I can, MYSELF. Today, I went to a homegoing service for my former hairdresser and friend :-(. Her bubbly personality and aura were most spoken of throughout the service. I always felt good after leaving her presence which I didn't really understand then. The thing is she was a happy person who loved the Lord dearly and always sought to spread good cheer and that joy she was experiencing. She lived her life like it was golden and as a result was able to inspire others even in her passing. I want to be the kind of person who leaves others feeling better to have been in my presence, not a bitter, negative soul that sucks the life and positive energy from a room. Since our outlook and actions has everything to do with what's going on in us, it makes sense to start with ourselves.

I underestimated the power within me to create the change I wanted to see in my life, relationships and world. I am nowhere near where I desire in that respect but I can say I am well on my way. I don't and probably won't have it all figured out, but by faith, with God's help, daily I grow and experience more of the joy and happiness I seek. I am also blessed to have a small circle of friends who are desirous of being our best selves and living lives of excellence.

Cheers to looking in that mirror, exercising your full power and working on you..

Death to pity parties!

It's only fitting even if cheesy that my first blog post be directly related to the name of the blog :-)

I created this blog to share MY views and track my ongoing progress and evolution. I've learned so much over the past year/s and decided I had to start writing it down (online) for myself and hopefully even one other person's benefit.

The whole topic of a "pity party" was especially dear to me since I was once the reigning queen of either hosting them or being everyone's favourite guest of honour (sad but true). Self empowerment was a foreign concept to me as I was more comfortable blaming others and being a cry baby than fully accepting responsibility for myself. However the year 2013 was the year I stopped throwing those parties and stopped accepting invitations to them. It has been a wildly painful and uncomfortable experience but it has been totally worth it!  

I have found that when you make certain decisions in your life God will provide the circumstances to facilitate your growth and things will align. Since growing is a lifelong process, I have fully embraced the fact that I will not ever know everything at any point and that the journey is most important. Since my decision to focus on life giving thoughts and words, there simply has not been anymore room for my famous "parties". I remember when I came to the realisation for MYSELF that my words are powerful stuff especially since God creates using His words and emphasises the power of the word. It was like a light went off in my head. I was stuck where I was because that was all I ever spoke about. Using many resources the Bible, following many awesome people on twitter who provided daily inspiration, watching Iyanla Fix My Life, the OWN network and reading any inspirational literature I could get my hands on and my best friend telling me 
to wake the hell up have been key in my journey. 

The conversations I took part in just started changing, the few persons I chose to speak to regularly were exchanges of words of motivation and hope beyond our circumstances at the time. A whole new horizon of possibilities opened up for me and I was happier than I have ever been in my life. 

Ultimately accepting responsibility for my mind, thoughts and choices made all the difference and I started speaking of the life and ME I wanted and the impossible suddenly seemed possible. I no longer had to feel sorry for myself, that did absolutely nothing for me. I stopped making others responsible for my happiness. I realised I could just be me, fully embrace me and most of all I could be happy. I am happy. I am grateful. I am living, loving and growing.