Saturday 1 March 2014

Blah...

   

Hello out there... I figured I'd say hey and thanks for reading and I HOPE that my journey, craziness, "ahas" (yes I did actually type that lol) and learning has done what I intended. While we all just try to figure this life stuff out and make the best of it, as a fellow sojourner (outchea tryna functionI just pray that we stay sane and not just survive but THRIVE.

The title of the post is the only word I could come up with to express how I have been feeling. The journey is the journey in all its glory, I have been feeling excited and expectant but oh so blah. I think this blah feeling is due in part to the fact that I'm unclear about a number of things, specifically my next move etc.. I really like to be in the KNOW but since faith doesn't work like that, my struggle in that department has been tremendous.

I know I need some major shifting and change in some areas, but I just don't know which way to turn. My heart is being all crazy (in the words of my rational side) and telling me to jump into the deep. My nature kinda opposes this because I like structure and I like to know.  And right now I don't. I don't know which way to go, what route to take and what this place I'm going to will look like. But I want change, and change comes with changes.

My coworker and I had a discussion the other day where she was saying she is asking God for a faith like Abraham had. I was like girl you had better be careful what you ask for. Remember the story in the bible where God told Abraham to go to a place he would show him. He had no clue where he was going, he just knew God said it, he believed it and so he did it. Sounds really good and I tip my hat to him because that must have been HARD. Can you imagine right now just on a move of faith packing up your life and family and just moving,  having no idea as to where exactly and all the other plans we like to cement before doing anything? yea I'm having trouble too.

A faith like that for me will take developing. But all I know is something's gotta give because this blah is not it. So while I pray for clarity and guidance, I guess I'll ask God for a dash of that Abraham faith. I don't know just how much I can handle right now because that level he possessed clearly carries great responsibility. So I'll take it slow for now and start with a "tuups"(translation: small amount).




That said I'm going to keep doing my part and be ready for the changes as they come. Learning to trust my process is really taxing. But I know I must, so on I press...

Cheers to us as we live, love and grow in search of our highest selves..

Hi There, I am

Toya Stewart-Rowe

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