No Limits...

This is our lil secret... I had me a good ol' pity party. Maybe not even one, or two, or three... I've had a couple of them in the past few weeks. And while they've been "familiar" and my ego was pleased, I really didn't enjoy it like I used to.. This reminds me of the simple fact that despite how I feel and the challenges, I have to keep moving forward.

“The only limits in your life are those that you set yourself.” - Celestine Chua

I came across this quote that I've always known, however today it took on new life in my mind. Whether you agree with it fully or not, it does have some merit. You decide what you do or not do, I'm not even talking about excelling or not, I'm talking about having the guts to even try something.
There are so many ideas in my head that I've rationalized about, like this blog. There are so many thing I want to do that in my mind I decided I cannot do or that I think I would fail miserably at (Who does that? a fear of failure in my case).

Today just for all of fifteen minutes I took the limits off and saw a world greater than I could imagine. What was so major is that I saw myself in it! I could not contain my excitement! I'm a bit of a realist, so I know for sure I will not succeed at everything I attempt and success might by eventual, however I do owe it myself to follow my heart. You know how you get inspired unexpectedly and in the most surprising ways sometimes, yesterday I heard singer Sia's song Chandelier on the radio and the line "I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist" hit me like bricks! Why am I not doing this as often as I should? Giving my best to everything I do? Maybe swinging from chandeliers wont be my thing. But there sure needs to be some swinging going on over here, releasing the passions in my heart and soul. Living to the fullest. I've always been drawn to people who just do them and not care about opinions, but determined to figure it out on their own terms and I know now that it's because I secretly admired them and was seeking to give myself that permission.

Today October 31,2014, the end of #OVO (October's very own) my birth month, I will do more of the things I dream, that challenge me. I'm going to give it my best. Swinging from chandeliers aren't my thing, but if it's yours swing away and smile while doing so! No holding back. Give your all. No more limits.

I'm currently reading this book by Nick Vujicic. Really good read and quite inspirational. You should check it out it you haven't already.





One Love
God Bless

Metamorphosis...

I am so tardy for the party!!! C'mon smile! It's kinda cheesy but you know you wanna. :D I have had this post in draft for a month or so. I had blocks, lows and highs and made several changes...  There is always some force to press against to do what we really need/want to do. But the pressing through and getting it done inspite of, is where victory lies. So I decided not to scrap it. And finally here it is and as usual it is from my heart, as I grow more and more comfortable being openly vulnerable.

I find butterflies really fascinating and so I was searching for photos on the internet and became even more fascinated with the process they undergo to get to the beauty we see and admire. Metamorphosis is a really awesome process. The life cycle of the butterfly is one of those things that make me cheese so hard in awe and amazement of the level of intelligence the Creator clearly possesses.

The butterfly's life cycle consists of four stages, each stage beautifully designed and all necessary for it to transform from an egg to a beautiful butterfly.

To grow into an adult the butterfly goes through the following stages: egg, larva, pupa and adult. Each stage accomplishes a different goal. Caterpillars need to eat a lot, and adults need to reproduce. Depending on the type of butterfly, the life cycle of a butterfly may take anywhere from one month to a whole year.

Like the butterfly we go through various stages of change in our lives. Changes that vary in length of time and season. Outside of the more obvious physical changes. We also grow and develop spiritually, mentally, psychologically and many other ly-s.

As shared from the onset I'm on a journey although sometimes I don't think I am. Those are the times when the growth doesn't feel like growth but then it is evidenced in some way. Those times when my questions outweigh the answers (which is quite often). When most of my days look the same and the changes I yearn for seem extremely distant.

As I prepare for the birth of my baby, one of the most major changes in recent years. I feel I am caught in a tailspin. These darn emotional and physical changes do quite a number on a girl. I have to relinquish complete control of my whole life to this process whether I like it or not. So does the butterfly, the series of changes have to take place. It may not be pleasant, enjoyable or even welcomed but it has to be.

My whole life is being rearranged like that of the butterfly on many fronts. Some are scary, but like the butterfly I have to surrender. I have to surrender to the process to get to the promise of which I dream.

Some seasons seem that not much is happening, like the third stage of the butterfly's life where they form themselves into a pupa, also known as a chrysalis.  From the outside it looks as if the caterpillar may just be resting, but the inside is where all of the action takes place.  Inside of the pupa, the caterpillar is rapidly changing.

So it is with our lives, some of the most beautiful moments, experiences and changes arise out of moments where there appears to be a lull, like nothing is happening but if we only knew. God is busy molding us and shaping our lives into His will and often our answered prayers.

So enjoy your journey, your metamorphosis. You aren't alone for the ride.

One love.
God bless.

Big ups to: www.thebutterflysite.com for the wealth of information..

Transparent?

We often proclaim how transparent and "real" we are, but are we really?

Being honest and transparent is something that takes real guts. Rooted in our obsession with what other people think of us. We are all self conscious which is good and required in good measure (in my opinion). But how about the fact that we sometimes pretend that everything is A ok or perfect. Don't get me wrong, It makes no sense to walk around moping etc.. but I believe it's ok not to be ok sometimes and that it doesnt make you weak. Where we are weak or challenged is where Divine strength and power steps in.

So caught up in not showing our cracks and flaws, we pretend we don't need anyone. Truth is we do. We don't need everyone, worst of all people who mistreat us and fail to see the value and worth in us. But we do need each other. To form and maintain relationships that give life. Relationships where we can love and be loved. Relationships that bring out the best in us, while helping to bring about change because of it's sheer power and influence.

With that said here is my truth, I have always struggled big time with "appearing" vulnerable. I have limited my list of people I allow myself to be vulnerable with but even then it's to an extent. A lot of it is rooted in a fear of rejection. This makes me put up walls and different detection strategies. So I am on alert for the people in my space, if I sense any sign of withdrawal on their part I get a head start and beat them to the punch. This is no way to live. It's extremely time consuming and energy draining.

After much thought I realize a lot of it is rooted in the issues with my father which continue to this day. Being real, open and honest, not just about our victories but also our fears can be scary stuff. But living with an open heart is worth it.

I've been thrown off by a number of things recently and I haven't been trusting the process as I should. I've been preoccupied with circumstances and engulfed with feelings of hopelessness. But I'm slowly making a recovery. God is crazy faithful I will continue to say. When I feel overwhelmed and alone on my journey He finds a way to show me His all encompassing, unconditional love.  All praise be to Him, as He is the reason I'm still on this trail. When God is all you have you learn He is all you need. This is true for me.

If you can relate I pray peace for you on your journey. Make the necessary changes to get the results you want. Trusting God and the process is our only hope.

Today is Jamaica's independence so I'm gonna share this Bob Marley song that has been my tune of comfort recently.

Blessings and love to you and yours.

Who are you???

Who are you?
Are you who they say your are?
Are you defined by their words, actions, expectations or varying perspectives?
Are you even who you say your are?
Because sometimes your voice echoes the words heard repeatedly.
Words that aren't true,
Words that don't even come close to what the Creator said about you...

Are you enough?
Are you worthy?
Are you limited or limitless?
Are you free or bound?
Are you existing or living?
Do you not know that each breath is a gift, unwrapped with each inhale and lift of the chest?
I hope you know, I really pray you do, but just in case you have forgotten let me remind you...

You were formed in a warm,
cosy womb for less, more or equal to 40 weeks.
In a slow and deliberate process
He created a masterpiece fashioned in His image and likeness,
To work the good works of the Master.
You are HERE by design, purpose and on a mission.
You are never alone, your creator would never allow it, He says if you make your bed in hell He is with you...

You are love and you are loved.
Your smile has the power to change the atmosphere in a room,
Your presence here on earth means there is something only you can do.
On the days where you are tempted to forget just who you are or to discredit yourself.
Remember this: you are beyond definition, you are greatness personified and more importantly there is a King in you....

Love, peace and blessings..

Opinions...Sm-opinions..

                 

I don't know what your views of opinions might be (especially about you or your life), but for me I have walked a thin line between overvaluing opinions and not. I have also had the task of choosing which ones are important, where information I may need could be found.

I struggled because I sometimes either totally accepted or rejected opinions, so learning balance is still one of my greater life lessons. I had to learn, what applied to me or didn't and take it from there.

In my awkward years which unfortunately due to my immensely sad fear of rejection lead into my early twenties. I sometimes agreed with expressed opinions of me more than my own (still scratching my head).
I overvalued the opinions of almost all those around me and undervalued my own. Thank God I'm healed lol.

Not everyone deserves the privilege of speaking into your life or circumstances and even then you still have to employ a filter.  We sometimes give others way too much power, from small decisions like what we wear or how we do our hair. To bigger life changes such as when we get married, have children or where we live.

Culture and traditions has been allowed to dictate a lot of our do's and don'ts. And while they do serve their purpose in a number of scenarios, for some it proves a noose. Even when it doesn't make sense we do some things without even a question as to why.

Everybody knows and nobody really knows, so I'll take the gamble of learning how to walk my own path in the pursuit of happiness. Who says I have to do it your way? Who even says you are right? It may be right for you and wrong for me.

In my pursuit of unconditional love it started with Christ and myself. Unconditional love includes everything, the good, the bad and the indifferent.  My Creator knows all of me and loves all of me, who am I to do any different?

Opinions will always be a grey area I think. But I am trying to learn to walk this path my way, with God as my guide. Seeing myself as He sees me, knowing He created me as ME for a purpose and I don't need to do it the way often travelled to fit in with someone's opinion of how I should do what I do.

So cheers to the lifelong process of living, loving and growing... Freedom from opinions and being all YOU.

Motivation Needed?

Click: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g-jwWYX7Jlo

I'm sharing this motivational video today and hoping it will help you to make that move, even if it's just to get out of bed. I found myself needing this yesterday and it helped me a lot.

Before this stage of my life I was never fully sold on this content. It seemed pretty clichè. Instead I relied a lot on others and didn't necessarily look to myself or my source (God). Well I did look to God I just asked others to speak to him on my behalf instead of seeking the answers for myself. Crazy, I know.

I really needed to tap deep within and motivational quotes, books and videos became a mainstay. I read somewhere that like showers, meals etcetera, motivation is to be consumed daily. And doing this has definitely helped.

On the days when I feel low and need a boost, I find the motivation I need. There are times when I might call or message a friend or my mom, but most of the time I have such a hard time articulating my thoughts and feelings in that moment, I just have to go at it internally. I have to keep the communication with God open, because I always have something to talk to Him about.

Your motivation might come in different ways, but whatever you find it to be, capitalise on it. Use it whenever necessary, as often as possible. I hope it helps you as much as it as helped me as I do this gift called life.

Cheers to living, loving and growing.
Blessings

I gave up "giving up" for Lent.

I haven't posted in way too long! Well I'm back now :)

As the title says that was my big decision. I really couldn't be bothered with the normal for me like, meat, juice and the slew of others, so I went to the area I had a real life challenge in. At the drop of a hat my famous words are "mi cyaan bodda" (translation: I can't be bothered or I'm not doing this), so I decided to make a conscious effort to minimize with the hope of eventually giving up this mindset.

And boy let me tell you, I have been on a ride of all sorts! I am being challenged in almost EVERY area of my life. The minute I decided to confront this thing it grew claws, seriously. But I can say I haven't really given up on anything since, I have been hella tempted and struggling like crazy BUT God's grace has been keeping me. Instead I'm learning to strategize and explore options in the midst of failing situations, all without "giving up". It is exhausting, but worth it. Self-exploration and challenging my mindset has been an emotional rollercoaster, that I am still on. God, my mom and a few friends have been great ears and sources of much needed strength.

Le Struggle
I have always been UBER private and sensitive about sharing my private thoughts and feelings, so this transparency thing is a real struggle. Posting my thoughts on a blog?!?! So unheard of  for me and many times these weeks I haven't posted I've been tempted to scrap the idea BUT I gave up giving up so that wasn't an option! <Major side eyes for myself >

I've learnt a bit about myself over the past few months, some good, some not so favourable LOL.

• I still need hella work and I'm still a bit more crazy than I like at this point.
• I am a tad stronger than I give myself credit for.
• I'm a dreamer who is still afraid of some of the hopes and dreams I have.
• I have no idea how I am going to get to the place where my hopes and dreams for my life are but I have faith I will. 
• Sometimes I focus way too much on where I am not instead of where I am and feel discouraged.
• I don't understand too much about this life thing and that is OK.
• I am absolutely rich in love.
• I am growing even when I don't feel like it.
• I still believe in the impossible (albeit way deep down sometimes)
• I really love my crazy self for who I am, even if no one else gets me.
• I have A LOT to learn.

Living things grow!

All in all, I believe we are here because God meant for us to be and He has a great plan for us. Being here means while living we are always growing. My journey and life may not be for the next or how they would do it and that's ok. I have taken the wide, popular road for most of my life. Now I seek the road less travelled. Sometimes it feels like too much and I scream to myself GET ME OUTTA HERE but I know better. I am going to continue on this journey and do ME and learn as I go even if no one else gets it and doesn't approve.

Cheers to us all in the land of the living as we live, love and grow.

    Blessings.

Blah...

   

Hello out there... I figured I'd say hey and thanks for reading and I HOPE that my journey, craziness, "ahas" (yes I did actually type that lol) and learning has done what I intended. While we all just try to figure this life stuff out and make the best of it, as a fellow sojourner (outchea tryna function) I just pray that we stay sane and not just survive but THRIVE.

The title of the post is the only word I could come up with to express how I have been feeling. The journey is the journey in all its glory, I have been feeling excited and expectant but oh so blah. I think this blah feeling is due in part to the fact that I'm unclear about a number of things, specifically my next move etc.. I really like to be in the KNOW but since faith doesn't work like that, my struggle in that department has been tremendous.

I know I need some major shifting and change in some areas, but I just don't know which way to turn. My heart is being all crazy (in the words of my rational side) and telling me to jump into the deep. My nature kinda opposes this because I like structure and I like to know.  And right now I don't. I don't know which way to go, what route to take and what this place I'm going to will look like. But I want change, and change comes with changes.

My coworker and I had a discussion the other day where she was saying she is asking God for a faith like Abraham had. I was like girl you had better be careful what you ask for. Remember the story in the bible where God told Abraham to go to a place he would show him. He had no clue where he was going, he just knew God said it, he believed it and so he did it. Sounds really good and I tip my hat to him because that must have been HARD. Can you imagine right now just on a move of faith packing up your life and family and just moving,  having no idea as to where exactly and all the other plans we like to cement before doing anything? yea I'm having trouble too.

A faith like that for me will take developing. But all I know is something's gotta give because this blah is not it. So while I pray for clarity and guidance, I guess I'll ask God for a dash of that Abraham faith. I don't know just how much I can handle right now because that level he possessed clearly carries great responsibility. So I'll take it slow for now and start with a "tuups"(translation: small amount).

That said I'm going to keep doing my part and be ready for the changes as they come. Learning to trust my process is really taxing. But I know I must, so on I press...

Cheers to us as we live, love and grow in search of our highest selves..

Growth sold separately.

All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward.
Ellen Glasgow

Ever ran into someone you hadn't seen in years (intentionally or not) and the interaction left you wondering if they were frozen in a time warp? The body ages and the effects are visible in the physical. However individual growth and improvement is another story. I remember having a conversation with a close friend where she commented that if she found herself in the same position mentally a year later, she knows she didn't experience any growth. Without limiting ourselves to the "New Year Resolutions", it does benefit us to search ourselves to see if we are growing. TD Jakes(my mentor in my head) said that if you are still dealing with the same struggle/issue after say a five year period you are circling the same mountain.

Change is often a dreaded process, but I've been learning that like my other mentor in my head Tony Gaskins said recently to be effective you have to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The comfort zone rejects the very idea of change- If it aint broke dont fix it mentality. I get bored easily and as a result the comfort zone contributed to my previous state of unhappiness. Being ridiculously unbothered in my comfort zone giving just enough to life meant that's all I got from it. Pursuing growth and striving always for excellence (cues Charlemont High School song lol if you went there you'll get it) in my life has made it more interesting and enjoyable.

Since no one has it ALL together, growth and forward movement are necessary. I knew I wanted to grow but I didn't necessarily want the hassle of the change that came with it, crazy I know, but I'm just keeping it real. Doing the work is pretty unattractive and painstaking, but change in some form is needed for growth. While at the same time changing doesn't mean you are growing, as some change just renders things different, not necessarily better.

I've had one of those weeks where not much made sense to me in my journey. I know some of the experiences were to test all the talk I've been talking. Let's face it, information does not equal application, so without applying all you learn, it's just crap to say yes I know it but..... So we will be tested based on all the information we obtain, just like an examination and the results will tell on you. Our actions and reactions tell on us, whether we are growing or not, what areas still need work and where we have mastered. Man it gets so annoying sometimes if I'm to be honest BUT I am loving it.

I just remind myself that my journey is just that MINE. I have to be content with going at my pace and not compare my chapter ONE with someone's chapter TWENTY (@realTalkKim posted this on twitter :-) )
At the end of the week as I do my recap, I can see where I have improved or not and really talk to God about some stuff and ask His guidance to strategize. He is so patient and kind... Whew.

So, with each day I am gifted, I say cheers to living, loving and more importantly.... growing.

The Man In The Mirror..

"If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself then make a change"....

We all should know the famous Michael Jackson song and if so probably sing it all nonchalantly repeatedly, I know I did for as long as I can remember. Until one day on my journey I heard it and the lyrics took root. Another of my now infamous "lightbulb" moments where everything seemed clearer and suddenly made sense in a more personal way.

The ability to identify what we see as wrong in the world and others is almost second nature, while identifying the part we play tends to be slow in coming, if ever. We always complain about what isn't being done, yet we wont do it. Most of us are always complaining about haters, hypocrites and the like. But since we are all so innocent who are the actual guilty ones? I have been the one doing the gossiping and the one being gossiped about, a vicious, painful cycle. It always seems innocent and at times entertaining tearing someone else down through gossip until it's our turn, then it gets real.

It's only fitting that if you want to be surrounded by love, you should possess and give love. If you want truth, then live your truth and be true and thats what you will attract. I remind myself I cannot control the actions or reactions of another, so I'll control what I can, MYSELF. Today, I went to a homegoing service for my former hairdresser and friend :-(. Her bubbly personality and aura were most spoken of throughout the service. I always felt good after leaving her presence which I didn't really understand then. The thing is she was a happy person who loved the Lord dearly and always sought to spread good cheer and that joy she was experiencing. She lived her life like it was golden and as a result was able to inspire others even in her passing. I want to be the kind of person who leaves others feeling better to have been in my presence, not a bitter, negative soul that sucks the life and positive energy from a room. Since our outlook and actions has everything to do with what's going on in us, it makes sense to start with ourselves.

I underestimated the power within me to create the change I wanted to see in my life, relationships and world. I am nowhere near where I desire in that respect but I can say I am well on my way. I don't and probably won't have it all figured out, but by faith, with God's help, daily I grow and experience more of the joy and happiness I seek. I am also blessed to have a small circle of friends who are desirous of being our best selves and living lives of excellence.

Cheers to looking in that mirror, exercising your full power and working on you..

Death to pity parties!

It's only fitting even if cheesy that my first blog post be directly related to the name of the blog :-)

I created this blog to share MY views and track my ongoing progress and evolution. I've learned so much over the past year/s and decided I had to start writing it down (online) for myself and hopefully even one other person's benefit.

The whole topic of a "pity party" was especially dear to me since I was once the reigning queen of either hosting them or being everyone's favourite guest of honour (sad but true). Self empowerment was a foreign concept to me as I was more comfortable blaming others and being a cry baby than fully accepting responsibility for myself. However the year 2013 was the year I stopped throwing those parties and stopped accepting invitations to them. It has been a wildly painful and uncomfortable experience but it has been totally worth it!  

I have found that when you make certain decisions in your life God will provide the circumstances to facilitate your growth and things will align. Since growing is a lifelong process, I have fully embraced the fact that I will not ever know everything at any point and that the journey is most important. Since my decision to focus on life giving thoughts and words, there simply has not been anymore room for my famous "parties". I remember when I came to the realisation for MYSELF that my words are powerful stuff especially since God creates using His words and emphasises the power of the word. It was like a light went off in my head. I was stuck where I was because that was all I ever spoke about. Using many resources the Bible, following many awesome people on twitter who provided daily inspiration, watching Iyanla Fix My Life, the OWN network and reading any inspirational literature I could get my hands on and my best friend telling me 
to wake the hell up have been key in my journey. 

The conversations I took part in just started changing, the few persons I chose to speak to regularly were exchanges of words of motivation and hope beyond our circumstances at the time. A whole new horizon of possibilities opened up for me and I was happier than I have ever been in my life. 

Ultimately accepting responsibility for my mind, thoughts and choices made all the difference and I started speaking of the life and ME I wanted and the impossible suddenly seemed possible. I no longer had to feel sorry for myself, that did absolutely nothing for me. I stopped making others responsible for my happiness. I realised I could just be me, fully embrace me and most of all I could be happy. I am happy. I am grateful. I am living, loving and growing.