Monday, 4 July 2016

Hash tag Goals


Unless you have been completely disconnected from social networks you should have some idea what the topic of this post refers to. And given that you are reading this you are definitely social media savvy.  In the world of social sites a goal is an individual's desired aim or result based on a snapshot of another's #currentsituation.

On any given day you will see someone post a photo of someone's body, relationship, home or any possession and add the hash tag goals. We take a look at this person's highlight reel capturing anywhere from a second to 5 minutes and decide that this is a goal to be incorporated in our lives and attained come what may.


I know, it's arguably just words, not to be taken seriously you might say and I too use it mockingly from time to time, (hence my inclusion of the always elusive #Barbie, isn't she just glam?) however I am still intrigued by it all. We are told to paint a perfect picture, hide our flaws and appear to have it all together in the face of falling apart. So if you aren't looking like Barbie over there she needs to be your "goal". Be like Barbie! Some Social Media images have people training their waists and injecting their booties to look like people who don't even look like themselves. It's crazy in these social networking streets.

I have learnt that "there" - "point of arrival" is so subjective and it often doesn't look exactly how our mind envisions it. For me it's about being who you are, where you are, always giving it your best and flexing your gratitude muscles. We aren't always privy to an individual's process or journey, therefore we don't always see the full picture of what it takes to be them or do what they do. So instead it should be okay to just "DO YOU". There will always be someone who doesn't like the way you look or something about you, but what's most important is how YOU feel about YOU. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and focus on that truth. Feel good about all you are, right here, right now and build on being your best on your own terms each day.

Don't get me wrong goals are cool, I need something to work towards and grow, what I am no longer concerned with is making how someone else "does" their life my focal point, no matter how enticing it appears. There are many people I am inspired by, however I will caution myself to think about what I am thinking about and ensuring that my #goals are actually my #goals, suited for me, my preferences and my reality. My goals are no longer defined by anyone else's life, goals or experience. I am chasing the "best" me and exponentially becoming the woman God created me to be. My goal today remains the goal that started me on this journey to simply be the best "ME" that this world has ever seen.

I have come to the conclusion that if I really want to identify and focus on the goals suited for me and my purpose, the best person to look to is the one who created me and designed my life. The one who knows me inside out and has rocked with me from day one. Looking to the author and finisher of my faith to make my #goals clear to me has been both challenging and rewarding. He  usually shows me something different or another way to do what I think I should do and I have to digress and humbly walk in it. I am usually overjoyed when I see just how it works out better than I could have imagined. So seeking his #goals for my life for me has become the ultimate.

Have you done a #goal check lately? What are your #goals and why? It's worth giving it a second thought.

Cheers to living, loving and growing.

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

I Love Me Some Me - Challenge

Happy New Year. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Easter, Happy Mother's Day.

I hope you missed me. I'm making up for lost time, is it working? Nah? OK (hangs head in shame).

I am working on some things that should launch by the end of the summer so I've been a very busy girl. Balancing family, a toddler (he is a combination of at least three people in my book), work and all that is life and my goals and dreams had a girl juggling and figuring it out.

But when I saw how Beyonce' came out with a whole body of work that was Lemonade and as someone said we all have the same twenty four hours, ya girl has to assess her priorities!

I know you love you some you and I also believe you have really been loving on YOU.. So share with me... what have you done for you lately?

Personally, when I feel good it shows and everyone in my space benefits from experiencing me at my best. 

Momming (my verb) often consumes me almost completely as balance is not my strong point. I tend to either be way left or way right. So deliberate actions to love on me have become a mandate  and sometimes it can be something as simple as doing a Betonite clay mask on either my hair or face or both on a good day :). I have been slowly incorporating more natural products into my regimens with the hope of one day using more natural products than not.

I did a mask yesterday and my face felt so good, it is now soft and smooth! I can't wait to lavish my hair on the weekend.

To make the mask for my face I use half to one teaspoon of Betonite clay along with either the corresponding amount of water or Apple Cider Vinegar or more, depending on the consistency I prefer. I like it as smooth as possible. The hair mask is essentially the same while considering the length of your hair and the amount of product that will be required to fully coat your strands.

I have also tried it with my toothpaste which was okay for me but it hasn't become a regular part of my routine.

A few titbits about Betonite clay:

  • Avoid inhaling the dry powder before adding water or Apple Cider Vinegar
  • It can be a little messy but I promise it can also be worth it.
  • It softens the hair and skin
  • It is said to be able to remove toxins from the body
  • It is said to control eczema and unclog your pores
  • It can be used to exfoliate the skin
  • Avoid using a metal spoon as it is said to be most effective if it doesn’t come in contact with metal before use. Mix with plastic, wood or glass
Try the Betonite clay mask today and give me some feed back. I really hope it's as good to you as it has been to me! I purchased mine at Earth Elements in Kingston. 

Sunday, 20 December 2015

The Blame Game

"You made me do it!".....  "It's your fault!"..... 

Sounds familiar? At some point I may or may not have echoed those words in response to some less than favourable situation I found myself in. If it was a commendable act? You guessed it "that? That was all me!" We are pretty interesting creatures. It takes an Omnipotent, Omniscient kinda Creator to deal with all we can be (IMO-in my opinion for my less slang inclined friends). So we tend to blame when it's convenient and hoard praises and recognition when we see it fit.

What is blame though? defines blame as placing the responsibility for a fault or error. It is somehow the default setting for us to cast blame to relieve ourselves of the negative emotions or rather emotional discomfort we experience when things go awry. It isn't unfamiliar territory for most of us, as human beings we seek to minimise any form of discomfort and maximise on comfort. So blame can be pretty darn therapeutic when it boils down to it. 

What interested me most about blame is that it needs a villain and a victim, which is definitely an unproductive scenario. The villain is the one being blamed for the problem or difficulty being experienced and the victim is the woe is me recipient doing the blaming. Blame removes accountability and doesn't add real value to our relationships.  

What can be even more lethal is self blame, rather than operating from a place of self empowerment or faith. We sometimes harm ourselves by inflicting intense blame inwardly and embarking on a negative spiral. Now I know there is a fine line between giving yourself permission to continuously act in ways harmful to ourselves and others and condemning ourselves. It takes tremendous effort but I would like to think it's worth it.

My friend in my head Brene Brown recommends the following practical tips to help with blame:

  • See it in yourself – Spend a day being on the lookout for moments of blame. This may be blaming yourself or another and see if you can recognize how it was a moment of expelling pain, discomfort or some negative energy. How does it make you feel after? Was it relieving, does more negative energy creep in?
  • See it in others – Spend the next day noticing when other people use blame. Do you notice some pain or discomfort that preceded their moment of blaming?
  • See the freedom unfold – See what happens as you start to get curious about the experience of blame.
As you may be able to tell I'm a believer! I was sold on the idea that I don't have to "do life" on my own. That I have someone who cares, that I can learn to fully trust in and rely on in both my best and worst efforts to somehow make sense of and navigate this journey called "my life". So when things like this rise up in my consciousness and I see where I have been erring, I learn to be loving with myself and seek the help of the Lord to navigate the path. This one is mighty tricky due to the vast number of issues that tend to be underlying in blame issues and its roots. But I live to fight another day! 

I think you will enjoy the short video below on blame that my "friend" Brene did, I hope it gives you a bit of perspective as well. 

Cheers to living, loving and growing.

Sunday, 22 November 2015


#perspective A small piece to the puzzle of this great big world of billions, however this renders me no less significant.  Fearfully and wonderfully made. I am grateful to exist for a purpose greater than my understanding and you should be too. #purpose #faithfulGod. 👆🙌

Saturday, 31 October 2015

Curtain call...

Are you living your life or is your life living you?

I had to honestly ask myself this question the other day. As I seek a higher existence and experience than this world has to offer. I sometimes feel like I play a role (an unenjoyable one to some extent). I live virtually the same day and week routinely sometimes. Wake up at the same time, bustle in traffic to the office, clock in, then clock out. Being told what to do at every turn and sometimes criticized if it isn't done to the required standards. Told how to look, what to wear, how and when to wear it (whew). As a millennial I loathe this kind of rigid structure and I feel for our children. But as one of my fave lyricists said "I was given this world I didn't make it". Yes you read correctly,  I quoted the late great Tupac Shakur (don't be surprised).

Put on a smile, greet the world. Say the right things. When asked how you are say "fine", as the question is merely a social pleasantry.  Many are breaking under the pressure.  No one wants to admit it though, no one wants to be perceived as "weak". There is so much pressure to keep up, do more, be more.  Achieve, achieve, achieve and then what?

We were made for relationships, to share each other's happy times and burdens. But instead we compete and try to save face. I have a hard time believing that this was God's design when He gave us each other. Yes. Surprised? He gave us each other. To love one another, to fellowship and enjoy this gift of life and more importantly reflect His glory. Yet in such a crowded world people feel alone in their struggles, isolated and overwhelmed. Lies the devil feeds to us humans all the time.

I thrive when connected, I mean really connected, not just social media connected either. Going for walks, good conversation, over all bonding on a deeper level, not that pseudo stuff. I genuinely despise those conversations so I sometimes come across as antisocial. I simply have not mastered the art of conducting them successfully.

Suicide is so rampant, it is beyond alarming actually. I remember when I heard that Robin Williams committed suicide.  I just couldn't understand. It really shook me up. He was the guy that made everyone laugh. He seemed to have life figured out. I remember feeling suicidal as a teen because there was this awful rumour circulated about me by some horrible people who clearly didn't know better at the time. And I can't say what specifically got me through that time but I'll say God has always been real to me. In some of my darkest times and most lonely moment I still felt like I wasn't truly alone. There are a lot of people winning battles we know nothing of and sadly some are losing too. Let's pray for each other and support where we can. You never know how God may be using you in the life of another.

All this to say.. be genuine. Stop feeding into these unrealistic expectations designed by those in society who seek to benefit in one way or another especially financially. Be grateful for the new mercies of God each day. Do not lean on your own understanding. None of us have all the answers. If you don't already have one, develop a closer relationship with the Lord. In a cynical world where we think all we see is all there is and we know everything, I find Him to be my present help and hope. Really connect with someone at least each day. Ask someone how they are and mean it, demonstrate this by waiting for their response.

Cheers to living, loving and growing.


Hi There, I am

Toya Stewart-Rowe

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