We often proclaim how transparent and "real" we are, but are we really?
Being honest and transparent is something that takes real guts. Rooted in our obsession with what other people think of us. We are all self conscious which is good and required in good measure (in my opinion). But how about the fact that we sometimes pretend that everything is A ok or perfect. Don't get me wrong, It makes no sense to walk around moping etc.. but I believe it's ok not to be ok sometimes and that it doesnt make you weak. Where we are weak or challenged is where Divine strength and power steps in.
So caught up in not showing our cracks and flaws, we pretend we don't need anyone. Truth is we do. We don't need everyone, worst of all people who mistreat us and fail to see the value and worth in us. But we do need each other. To form and maintain relationships that give life. Relationships where we can love and be loved. Relationships that bring out the best in us, while helping to bring about change because of it's sheer power and influence.
With that said here is my truth, I have always struggled big time with "appearing" vulnerable. I have limited my list of people I allow myself to be vulnerable with but even then it's to an extent. A lot of it is rooted in a fear of rejection. This makes me put up walls and different detection strategies. So I am on alert for the people in my space, if I sense any sign of withdrawal on their part I get a head start and beat them to the punch. This is no way to live. It's extremely time consuming and energy draining.
After much thought I realize a lot of it is rooted in the issues with my father which continue to this day. Being real, open and honest, not just about our victories but also our fears can be scary stuff. But living with an open heart is worth it.
I've been thrown off by a number of things recently and I haven't been trusting the process as I should. I've been preoccupied with circumstances and engulfed with feelings of hopelessness. But I'm slowly making a recovery. God is crazy faithful I will continue to say. When I feel overwhelmed and alone on my journey He finds a way to show me His all encompassing, unconditional love. All praise be to Him, as He is the reason I'm still on this trail. When God is all you have you learn He is all you need. This is true for me.
If you can relate I pray peace for you on your journey. Make the necessary changes to get the results you want. Trusting God and the process is our only hope.
Today is Jamaica's independence so I'm gonna share this Bob Marley song that has been my tune of comfort recently.
