The Blame Game

"You made me do it!".....  "It's your fault!"..... 

Sounds familiar? At some point I may or may not have echoed those words in response to some less than favourable situation I found myself in. If it was a commendable act? You guessed it "that? That was all me!" We are pretty interesting creatures. It takes an Omnipotent, Omniscient kinda Creator to deal with all we can be (IMO-in my opinion for my less slang inclined friends). So we tend to blame when it's convenient and hoard praises and recognition when we see it fit.

What is blame though? www.dictionary.com defines blame as placing the responsibility for a fault or error. It is somehow the default setting for us to cast blame to relieve ourselves of the negative emotions or rather emotional discomfort we experience when things go awry. It isn't unfamiliar territory for most of us, as human beings we seek to minimise any form of discomfort and maximise on comfort. So blame can be pretty darn therapeutic when it boils down to it. 

What interested me most about blame is that it needs a villain and a victim, which is definitely an unproductive scenario. The villain is the one being blamed for the problem or difficulty being experienced and the victim is the woe is me recipient doing the blaming. Blame removes accountability and doesn't add real value to our relationships.  

What can be even more lethal is self blame, rather than operating from a place of self empowerment or faith. We sometimes harm ourselves by inflicting intense blame inwardly and embarking on a negative spiral. Now I know there is a fine line between giving yourself permission to continuously act in ways harmful to ourselves and others and condemning ourselves. It takes tremendous effort but I would like to think it's worth it.

My friend in my head Brene Brown recommends the following practical tips to help with blame:

• See it in yourself – Spend a day being on the lookout for moments of blame. This may be blaming yourself or another and see if you can recognize how it was a moment of expelling pain, discomfort or some negative energy. How does it make you feel after? Was it relieving, does more negative energy creep in?
• See it in others – Spend the next day noticing when other people use blame. Do you notice some pain or discomfort that preceded their moment of blaming?
• See the freedom unfold – See what happens as you start to get curious about the experience of blame.

As you may be able to tell I'm a believer! I was sold on the idea that I don't have to "do life" on my own. That I have someone who cares, that I can learn to fully trust in and rely on in both my best and worst efforts to somehow make sense of and navigate this journey called "my life". So when things like this rise up in my consciousness and I see where I have been erring, I learn to be loving with myself and seek the help of the Lord to navigate the path. This one is mighty tricky due to the vast number of issues that tend to be underlying in blame issues and its roots. But I live to fight another day! 

I think you will enjoy the short video below on blame that my "friend" Brene did, I hope it gives you a bit of perspective as well. 

Cheers to living, loving and growing.

Godspeed.

Perspective

#perspective A small piece to the puzzle of this great big world of billions, however this renders me no less significant.  Fearfully and wonderfully made. I am grateful to exist for a purpose greater than my understanding and you should be too. #purpose #faithfulGod. 👆🙌

Curtain call...

Are you living your life or is your life living you?

I had to honestly ask myself this question the other day. As I seek a higher existence and experience than this world has to offer. I sometimes feel like I play a role (an unenjoyable one to some extent). I live virtually the same day and week routinely sometimes. Wake up at the same time, bustle in traffic to the office, clock in, then clock out. Being told what to do at every turn and sometimes criticized if it isn't done to the required standards. Told how to look, what to wear, how and when to wear it (whew). As a millennial I loathe this kind of rigid structure and I feel for our children. But as one of my fave lyricists said "I was given this world I didn't make it". Yes you read correctly,  I quoted the late great Tupac Shakur (don't be surprised).

Put on a smile, greet the world. Say the right things. When asked how you are say "fine", as the question is merely a social pleasantry.  Many are breaking under the pressure.  No one wants to admit it though, no one wants to be perceived as "weak". There is so much pressure to keep up, do more, be more.  Achieve, achieve, achieve and then what?

We were made for relationships, to share each other's happy times and burdens. But instead we compete and try to save face. I have a hard time believing that this was God's design when He gave us each other. Yes. Surprised? He gave us each other. To love one another, to fellowship and enjoy this gift of life and more importantly reflect His glory. Yet in such a crowded world people feel alone in their struggles, isolated and overwhelmed. Lies the devil feeds to us humans all the time.

I thrive when connected, I mean really connected, not just social media connected either. Going for walks, good conversation, over all bonding on a deeper level, not that pseudo stuff. I genuinely despise those conversations so I sometimes come across as antisocial. I simply have not mastered the art of conducting them successfully.

Suicide is so rampant, it is beyond alarming actually. I remember when I heard that Robin Williams committed suicide.  I just couldn't understand. It really shook me up. He was the guy that made everyone laugh. He seemed to have life figured out. I remember feeling suicidal as a teen because there was this awful rumour circulated about me by some horrible people who clearly didn't know better at the time. And I can't say what specifically got me through that time but I'll say God has always been real to me. In some of my darkest times and most lonely moment I still felt like I wasn't truly alone. There are a lot of people winning battles we know nothing of and sadly some are losing too. Let's pray for each other and support where we can. You never know how God may be using you in the life of another.

All this to say.. be genuine. Stop feeding into these unrealistic expectations designed by those in society who seek to benefit in one way or another especially financially. Be grateful for the new mercies of God each day. Do not lean on your own understanding. None of us have all the answers. If you don't already have one, develop a closer relationship with the Lord. In a cynical world where we think all we see is all there is and we know everything, I find Him to be my present help and hope. Really connect with someone at least each day. Ask someone how they are and mean it, demonstrate this by waiting for their response.

Cheers to living, loving and growing.

Godspeed.

A "Being" of Value...

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked. "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you - but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. "My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by ...WHO WE ARE.

The Oxford dictionary defines value as  "The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something." 

As a "human being" where does your value come from? Is it found in any material thing you possess or your relationships? Think about it... In some circles people are shamed into thinking if certain things happen to them, they lose their value. Or even worst when you get to a certain age. At the extreme where value is placed on "beings" based on their appearance, complexion or hair texture. Who came up with this stuff?

That said, Let me remind you of something today, in case you ever doubt... At your core, despite what happens to you or what others think, your value is immeasurable... Let me also say that if you have believed any or all of the lies about your worth and value, you are not alone.. I've been that girl. Many can attest to thinking as socialized to think rather than independently.

It took me a while to get this but you are valuable to Jesus as you are right now. Without all the changes you need to make and all the things he's working out in you, you are so valuable to Him. Divinely placed and divinely purposed. Picture this with me: You were formed in a nice warm, cozy womb. All your inner organs and body we're formed and protected. You successfully entered this world with a unique voice, DNA and the plethora of things that make you...You.. We sometimes lose our wonder of the miracles that we are and the sheer brilliance of the One who created us.

Today return to you, return to love,  return to Him. Thank Him and marvel at the creation that you are and the God that created you... And make a vow to never ever doubt your value.

Cheers to living,  loving and growing.

GODSPEED.

You-nique...

I was listening to the incomparable Whitney Houston and had this thought. Can you imagine a world where we hadn't heard her angelic voice?  Imagine Whitney being so afraid to share her gift she talked herself out of recording and performing? Still can't picture it huh? So how come you're doing it? How come I do it? What if she had said I don't sound like Mariah Carey or Celine Dion,  so I won't share my voice with the world? Thing is we know for sure she wasn't made to sound like anyone else because she was just Whitney. The same can be said for everyone who has been courageous enough to share their gift with the world. Society has all these rules about who or what we should be. But how about who God says we are?

God is too wise and creative to make duplicates.  We shouldn't insult his creativity with our limited thinking. Our finger prints are said to be distinctly different for each of us. So I believe in the midst of our similarities there is something different in each of us to be poured out into the world. To be poured into the hearts of others. We are here for each other, to journey along together. To strengthen and empower each other. Don't get stuck on who someone else is or who anyone tells you to be.. Focus on what you have, who you are. Focus on your Creator so He can help you to unearth the greatness that lies within you.

Own your uniqueness. Trust that God knew exactly what he was doing when he put your gifts in you..  Don't get stuck being a rose trying to be a sunflower...     Share your unique voice... Share what makes you, YOU... The world needs it... You need to... I need it...

I leave you with a gem from the late great Whitney Houston..

Have a happy blessed Sunday..

Cheers to living,  loving and growing..

Procrastinators Unite!

United! Not just for the sake of it, but for change 😊

              The procrastination struggle!

That moment when you procrastinate writing a procrastination blog post... The struggle is real. The battle is intense. I've fallen over and over to it, hoping each time I rise will be one of permanent victory. I have procrastinated dealing with my procrastination issues. Oh boy, I need help. I need Jesus.

I know I have this pressing thing to do, it has to be done, later I say, and later becomes later, until it's much later and it sometimes costs me dearly. You would think I learn from it right? Wrong...

We know what it means to procrastinate, it's more popular than it should be. But just why do we procrastinate? I do because of my perfectionist ways. I would rather not attempt it if I'm not sure or at least 90% sure of success. I wasn't always like that though.  I used to be willing to try, I'm that stubborn girl who's just gonna try it because you said otherwise.

I got an email subscription this morning that helped me to remember something of great importance.  I can't control everything therefore I have to trust the One who can and does.

The Bible is quite candid regarding its heroes. God makes us privy to the totality of some of the best people in the Bible. The good, bad and indifferent.  This helps us to know that in spite of all we are or aren't we, too, are overcomers by His power when we trust Him.

What can we do about it? It can't be said enough, so it always has to be said. Lean not on your own understanding. Walk by faith and do what needs to be done. Do not fear because God is with us. No matter how simple the task. Get on with it. Give it your all, your best. Always give your best in life. Let off days be limited to just that and quit procrastinating. Especially the important things.

Pray this simple prayer with me: Dear Lord, help me to quit procrastinating.  To prioritize and do what needs to be done. Help me commit to being my best and always doing the best I can. I thank you for this beautiful opportunity to be alive. In Jesus name, Amen.

Cheers to living, loving and growing..
God bless you.

Happy NO COMPARISON Day!

I declare today No COMPARISON Saturday. I will not compare my life,  portion or anything that is mine to that of another. I will just be.... Shalom...

Do it with me if you know you should too.
  :-)

Hey YOU!

Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!    Dr. Seuss

A timely quote for a way overdue check-in! As far as I am concerned, there are enough sources out there trying to tell us otherwise. All the ads geared to showing where we are lacking and how we could just do this one thing and be sooo much better! Make-up, clothes, technology and even FOOD! Being YOU is enough and quite frankly, I believe the world needs you and that is why the Creator and master architect of the universe created you.

 For me, there is a thin line to be towed when seeking to grow, develop and let the Spirit work on you to be your best you. That is remaining myself, yet changing, a balancing act. At your core as the quote says you are simply YOU and while becoming a "better" person don't seek to become someone else, stay true to YOU. God is too wise to be mistaken and your quirks, smile and preferences are uniquely purposed. I know His thoughts towards us are good. On life's journey like yourself, love yourself and celebrate yourself. Seek to grow, develop and progress and I pray you prosper as your soul prospers. Leave this world better than it was before you came into it. Let love be the order of your life. I leave this verse with you that I have to be keeping at the forefront of my mind these days so that I don't yield to the expectations of everyone else or my sometimes ever changing ones. This helps to keep me centered and reminded of the fact that I am not alone or required to figure it out alone but He knows the way I take and wants to show me the best paths for me. 

Since he has been here before me and will be here after me and pretty much knows it all, why should I rely on this world to dictate who I should and shouldn't be? Nah. I choose me, the me that Christ thought was worth dying for, this while submitting to Him to be transformed into His idea of who I should be. 

Proverbs 3:5-6(KJV): Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Never Alone

I came across the following prayer on the www.ibelieve.com website and I had to share it with you and I hope it does for you what it did for me or more.

That moment when your world feels like it's closing in on you, the moment that takes your breath away and not in a good way.. Some moments you're up and some you're down. Some battles you win, some you draw, some you lose. Some moments you fail God and you think surely I've frustrated His love and grace.

Your mind echoes questions like, Why? What do I do? Where do I go? God where are you? Do you see what is happening? Why must this be a part of my story? God do you understand? The questions and negative thoughts are countless.  No one knows or understands how you feel. The pain inside feels unbearable.  You feel alone, your situation must be unique you think. Surely this is all too much, I'm not sure I will make it you say.  (True Story)

This was how I was feeling. I started to google information surrounding what was going on in my head. My discovery was this, I am definitely not alone. There were several persons thousands of miles away typing out the very thoughts I was having. People with doubts, questions and a struggle to trust that the God of all would never leave them where they are, people like me.

That song one set of footprints comes to mind, when we feel at our lowest and unable to go any further is usually when God is holding and guiding us through the dark valleys. The story, the journey and the process can get very messy, leaving us feeling stuck and without hope. But in these times it just further fortifies the fact that only God is that constant friend and source and that with Him I can do all things and overcome all things. I don't always FEEL it, I sometimes have to believe what doesn't necessarily exist in my pool of thoughts or emotions at the time. Faith it, I like to think, I don't yet see it, but I believe it. I believe that provided I act on my faith, I will see things that have not yet come into existence.

Facing your human frailty can be pretty unnerving, knowing that your frame can only (health wise) successfully bear some amount of repeated exposure to stress and pressure.Knowing that we have supernatural reinforcement. That we aren't meant to do it alone, that God is always there and wants to be there for us. When we remember and allow ourselves to come to the realization that the Lord cares and urges us to cast our cares on Him. In the moment that we do, we find a peace that can come from no other source and cannot be duplicated.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

You are never alone, never forget it.
May the joy of the Lord be your strength.

Blessings

Soul mate or sole soul mate...

As the American writer Richard Bach said, "A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are."

It's Valentine's day or love day as some call it. Love is such an integral part of the human experience. A word and concept so overused and abused. Love has many doubters some go as far as to claim they hate it, although their declaration unwittingly shows their need for it. Some are in love with the idea of love and ideals it promises in our culture  (guilty). I've been that girl. That girl so obsessed with getting this "love" I gave away irretrievable pieces of myself. I searched everywhere except in me. I often heard and sang of this great love that would solve all my problems and I was onboard the quest for it. I also heard of the great love of God but I assumed that was for another part of me, that the two weren't related. I assumed that I needed to find that romantic love that would "fix" me so I could love God better..... Boy was I wrong.

I believe in the concept of soul mates not a sole soul mate... I've lived and learned enough to come to a conclusion for myself that the fairy tale idea of one single soul on this planet to complete me might not be so. My reason is this, not everyone cares to get deep enough in knowing you on a soul level. In some cases it's just a relationship in passing, killing time. While there are others who come into your life and seek to know the depths of you and to touch those deep parts. These people are those with whom you form a soul connection. Hopefully it's a soul connection that builds you and shows you your beautiful. The things in you, you didn't know how to unearth on your own. The things that remind you of the beauty of life and the wonderful God given gift of pure love.  If it is, treasure it, build on it, pray over and watch it grow and flourish. If it is the opposite that drains you and tears you, you probably should remove every form of life from it, pray for them and keep it moving. This applies to both friendships and relationships.

I dare to say God is my ultimate "soul mate", lover of my soul, the key to my happiness, my provider, corrector, my everything. However he gives me soul mates to share this journey with. My family, my best and closest friends are the ones he allows me to share soul moments with. We share with each other and connect on a deeper level, sharing our dreams, hurts and greatest joys. I am blessed, grateful. I am now and forever a student of love. Love has taught me many things in my life especially over the past two years, what it's worth and more importantly what it is and isn't. Celebrate love today and everyday. Celebrate the love of God, loving yourself and the family and friends you're gifted with.

Cheers to everyday love, with no conditions. The love God gives. I pray we grow to be able to give and receive a love that is patient, kind, not self seeking, not rude, not easily angered, that keeps no record of wrong, delights in truth, always hopes and preserves.
With  LOVE.
Blessings.

For someone, with love...

“I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my life, I am going to be with me and I don't want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It's high time that I accept all the great things about me.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Today and every day, learn to celebrate you. With a heart of gratitude to God for all you are and hope to be by His grace.

💖

Feelin' The Love? (The I Love me and I Show it Challenge update)

Hey You!

How has the challenge been going? I hope you have been real good to you this past week! I also hope you keep it up. For me, it was a little challenging in some areas, but I made it and I am definitely on my way. I confronted some patterns and successfully challenged them so I'm pretty grateful. Jesus has been my ace through it, I had to ask Him to help me quite a bit. When challenging old patterns they seem to grow claws trying to hold on for dear life! But God! (INSERT THE BIGGEST GRIN POSSIBLE in your mind)

I want to share something else with you that forms a part of the I love me and I show it challenge. It's about guarding your mind because as they say where the mind goes the man follows.

 

I came across this photo from author and speaker Lysa Terkeurst and in its simplicity it managed to give me a reminder aha. Again, there is nothing new under the sun, we know quite a bit of everything we're going to hear, but sometimes we don't focus on it long enough for it to do its work. Or sometimes a little perspective is needed, better yet, having knowledge is nothing without exercising wisdom to truly apply it. Hearers and not doers basically. Since the contents of our minds can either break or make us, it makes sense that we think about what we think about (HA) .

Being kind to ourselves in our thought life requires vigilance and holding thoughts captive that are not life giving and nourishing to the soul. As Philippians 4:8 (NIV) says: finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. The more we feed our mind with positive, loving thoughts, I think we will have more positive and loving experiences. So try this with me, monitor your thoughts towards you and your self talk for the next week. If it's not loving, nip it on the bud. Remember also that loving means being honest, yet gentle, patient and kind with you. Don't be harsh or talk down to yourself, instead use an uplifting tone and gentle words.I believe if we practice this, we will exhibit more love and positivity when dealing with others and those around us wont be able to help but notice and want the to know the secret.



Cheers to living, loving, growing and dreaming...
Blessings..

The I LOVE ME and I SHOW IT Challenge

Hello Beautiful People!

In a bid to strengthen my relationship with me and by extension God and everyone around me, I have started to actively and consistently put some more self-love in motion. Showing yourself love sounds pretty basic, yet many of us neglect giving ourselves the very thing we so desperately seek. Instead we pour it onto others hoping they will pour it back on us, thus filling spaces and voids in us that only God and we ourselves can fill.
I am issuing a challenge for the next week (OR FOREVER) that I hope you will join me on. The I love me and I show it challenge. It's pretty simple, I'm going to add a list of ten things I suggest that I have been trying to incorporate to show me some love. Feel free to add what works for you and type it in the comments so others can try it too :-).

• Remind yourself that you DESERVE love
• Be more compassionate to yourself and others
• Try something new (especially something you've procrastinated on)
• Look in the mirror and smile and blow yourself a kiss each day
• Stop worrying about the MANY opinions of others
• Spend more time feeding your soul
• Stop trying to blend in
• Respect yourself completely
• Appreciate the people in your life more (tell them too)
• Be your own hero

Much love to you wherever your journey finds you today.
God Bless.
  

Begin again.

New year, New focus, New direction.
Clichè? Just a lil (and unintended) Necessary? Most definitely.

So, the new addition to my family is here (insert weird and awkward praise dance). I'm still experiencing a plethora of emotions and adjusting to the new normal. God has been beyond everything on this part of my journey. The support from my family, church and friends has been tremendous and my heart is full.

God has been leading me concerning our relationship and I have asked him to take over in a way I have never known. So this is a new journey for us as I seek him, withholding nothing. I was going to scrap this blog and do another where I focused more on this leg of the journey, but decided against it. After praying and looking at where I'm coming from, I realized that continuity is necessary and that was always the intention. So the journey and changes will be evident because that's what I set out to do.

In my search for purpose and a deeper meaning, I've come full circle. I started my walk with Christ years ago, but I had much learning and growing to do. I was straddling the fence wanting more of God, but not sure how to live that and not even sure I was willing to do what it took, giving him all of me. He has faithfully guided me to this point. My inadequacies became more clear as self help taught me that I was all I needed to do it. While I am undoubtedly a major factor in what happens, I've learnt I can't do it alone. Believe me I've tried! I'm at the point where I need to do the thing that scares me so much! Relying completely on another (whew). More specifically trusting God completely, but first I have to strengthen our relationship and deepen our bond.

When I did my c section I realized that He would be the only one who could and would go the distance with me ALWAYS. The chief cornerstone He is to me. I thank God for his mercy and patience.

I'm comforted to know that He had no intention for us to navigate this life without His input and guidance. I'm grateful for all my blessings and lessons on my journey.

As I gaze hopelessly in love with my little human, His blessings couldn't be more obvious and my heart is so full.

I'm thankful for this outlet and I'm thankful for every soul that reads. Blessings to you and yours and I hope you continue on this journey with me and that God will manifest in your life answered prayers and the clarity and guidance you seek.

Much LOVE.
Blessings...