As the title says that was my big decision. I really couldn't be bothered with the normal for me like, meat, juice and the slew of others, so I went to the area I had a real life challenge in. At the drop of a hat my famous words are "mi cyaan bodda" (translation: I can't be bothered or I'm not doing this), so I decided to make a conscious effort to minimize with the hope of eventually giving up this mindset.
And boy let me tell you, I have been on a ride of all sorts! I am being challenged in almost EVERY area of my life. The minute I decided to confront this thing it grew claws, seriously. But I can say I haven't really given up on anything since, I have been hella tempted and struggling like crazy BUT God's grace has been keeping me. Instead I'm learning to strategize and explore options in the midst of failing situations, all without "giving up". It is exhausting, but worth it. Self-exploration and challenging my mindset has been an emotional rollercoaster, that I am still on. God, my mom and a few friends have been great ears and sources of much needed strength.
Le Struggle
I have always been UBER private and sensitive about sharing my private thoughts and feelings, so this transparency thing is a real struggle. Posting my thoughts on a blog?!?! So unheard of for me and many times these weeks I haven't posted I've been tempted to scrap the idea BUT I gave up giving up so that wasn't an option! <Major side eyes for myself >
I've learnt a bit about myself over the past few months, some good, some not so favourable LOL.
- I still need hella work and I'm still a bit more crazy than I like at this point.
- I am a tad stronger than I give myself credit for.
- I'm a dreamer who is still afraid of some of the hopes and dreams I have.
- I have no idea how I am going to get to the place where my hopes and dreams for my life are but I have faith I will.
- Sometimes I focus way too much on where I am not instead of where I am and feel discouraged.
- I don't understand too much about this life thing and that is OK.
- I am absolutely rich in love.
- I am growing even when I don't feel like it.
- I still believe in the impossible (albeit way deep down sometimes)
- I really love my crazy self for who I am, even if no one else gets me.
- I have A LOT to learn.
Living things grow!
All in all, I believe we are here because God meant for us to be and He has a great plan for us. Being here means while living we are always growing. My journey and life may not be for the next or how they would do it and that's ok. I have taken the wide, popular road for most of my life. Now I seek the road less travelled. Sometimes it feels like too much and I scream to myself GET ME OUTTA HERE but I know better. I am going to continue on this journey and do ME and learn as I go even if no one else gets it and doesn't approve.
Cheers to us all in the land of the living as we live, love and grow.
Blessings.
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